THE CONQUEST
She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf. She felt proud and ashamed at the same time.
She
stared at the beautiful stretch of nature with colorful lives moving around,
she intended to calm her disturbed mind, she wanted her stubborn brain to
freeze and her thoughts to disappear, she wanted to feel normal, feel happy. The
bad thoughts from the past stick to the brain and ensure its presence felt, she
wondered the reason for the positive thoughts eclipsed by the negative ones,
the reason for the brain's effortless display of the negative thoughts, the
reason for extra efforts to control our brain and to ensure positivity which is
a very complicated process. Huge money is poured in worldwide for trainings,
thousands of books are written, hundreds of educational qualifications are
created, many ancient scriptures have been analyzed only to gain knowledge , to
control our thoughts, to keep our mind positive.
But
today she felt a sense of confidence, a sense of achievement as she had
conquered over her negative thoughts, the thoughts that had haunted her for
twelve long years.
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Pitch
black, darkness all around, she tried to open her eyelids but it was
impossible, a cloth gripped her eyes tight, she was woken up from deep sleep,
by the time she could regain her senses, she heard a voice, it felt familiar
but unknown, a sense of fear embraced her, she froze unable to push her vocal
cord to create noise, she could sense sweetness on her tongue, soft and milky
chocolate which was her favorite, tears pierced through her closed eyes and her
shouts ran through the surroundings, suddenly the noise was obstructed with a
cloth forced into the mouth. Finally, the unknown voice spoke out "Shhh...
I am your Santa Clause, sweetheart", the girl was confused, soft touch of
the unknown Santa relaxed the little girl. It spoke again "many gifts are
waiting for you dear".
Santa
Clause was her favorite grandpa as a little girl, every Christmas, she never
knew when it would arrive, but would wait for it. It was always a big surprise
for her, a big collection of Barbie dolls arranged around her bed was the
surprise gift from her Santa. The cute grandpa would then convert into her
father, she missed her father, she missed her Santa grandpa.
She
felt herself being carried from her bed, the warmth of her blanket was embraced
by the cold air and goose bumps emerged on her soft skin. She was blank,
confused, happy for the arrival of Santa after
her long wait, fear of the darkness stuck to her eyes, she vigorously
moved her hands to feel the person who carried her, moved her legs to get away
from the grip of those strong hands, her nose felt the aroma of the washroom,
her voice "Maaaaa..." shattered across the walls of the room which
was cut by the cloth stuffed inside her mouth, her tears drenched the cloth
tied around her eyes, she heard the familiar voice again "Shhh... my dear,
I am your Santa grand pa, don't be afraid" and she felt something on her
cheeks, it was a kiss. The girl struggled to move away from the hold, but her
soft efforts was no match for the strong grip of the Santa. She felt the cold
air as her favorite pink frock was ripped from her body. She felt those strong,
rough hands touch every section of her body, she felt a sudden pain between her
legs, the 6 years young girl fainted
with sweat all over her body as her body
and mind could not bear the pain.
The
little girl felt the drops of cold water splashed on her face, the darkness
inside her, returned the fear, the pain and she opened her eyes to the bright
sunlight with a strong shout from her vocal cords, she closed her eyes unable
to bear the brightness, tears flowing out of her eyes hunting for her mother,
she could not find her, her fear building as every second passed, she jumped
out of her bed, to slip out of the grip of those hands that held her tight last
night, she could still feel it. She ran in all directions of the unknown place
shouting and looking for her mother, her internal fear and anxiety shot her
brains and she fainted in the matured arms.
Perfect
section of white hair among the dense black hair, a sense of confidence and
strength emerged from her eyes, soothing face which would have been very
beautiful during her youthful years, she picked the little girl, Diya and
placed her on the bed, caressing her hair. Dark moments of her past flashed in
front of her, the muscular hands holding her, feeling her, when she could not
understand the meaning, the way she was utilized for many years repeatedly, the
fear, the pain , her cries, her shouts, she had taken a form of a body without
life, her escape from that dungeon, her struggle to live, every scene of her
past life passed across her eyes. She had undergone the same trauma.
Diya's
body boiled, her body temperature had increased rapidly and she was
unconscious. She had to be immediately hospitalized.
Diya's
anxiety, disturbance, fear, pain, confusions, cries, search for her mother and
father reduced as the days passed on, she accepted her situation and tried to
move on. The lady who had held her in
her arms the day she had woken up from the dreadful shock, had faced all her
madness, extreme actions, had supported her in every step, Diya felt the lady
knew her more than herself, she handled her with great maturity and understanding.
She felt great and blessed to be with her, she could be herself in her presence,
she could be a mirror with nothing hidden behind her, she called her
"Amma" the way she used to address her mother, but still there were
some un answered questions floating in the vast ocean of her thoughts, they
never sank.
Days
passed, Diya was growing into a beautiful lady, dense silky hair, designer
eyebrows, dark brown eyeballs which emitted the hollowness inside her, sharp
pointed nose, neatly carved lips, perfect curves developed as she practiced
yoga everyday, which she inculcated from her childhood, she had developed a
very attractive but unknown, under confident personality.
Darkness all around, hands and legs tied,
plastered mouth, she could hear her shouts but she could not shout, fear filled
her, she was drenched in her sweat, she could see the red costume and the white
beard of the Santa but her eyes were shut, she could feel her frock ripped
away, cold air embraced her body, her legs were spread and she heard a loud
shout, she opened her eyes, it was the same dreadful dream, still it felt as
the first time. She got up with loads of efforts as her body froze during the
course of the dream, she went to the washroom and splashed cold water repeatedly
on her face, she wanted to feel cleansed from her dream, she suddenly stopped
as the words of Amma rang in her mind, " The day you free yourself from
the captive and kill the Santa, you will cross the borders of the darkness and
enter the land of light, sense of freedom will embrace you, you will feel the
heavy weight from your head being lifted, you will feel a sense of achievement,
you will be proud of yourself". She lifted her face and stared at herself
in the mirror, water droplets dripping from her spotless skin, she stepped back
until she felt the wall behind her, she slid and sat on the floor with her
folded legs, she decided once again that the next time she would taste the
blood of the Santa.
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Sun
rays entered the windows of her room, it was another day, another challenge she
had to face. She stepped outside the house after taking the blessings of Amma,
loneliness enclosed her, a fear of unknown grew inside her, she could never
gather the courage to use a public transport on her own, she took her vehicle
and drove to the college, on her way, every second she would stare in the rear
view mirror to ensure that she was alone. She stepped into the college, it was
a known land with unknown people for her. She had some female friends, but she
never dared to speak to guys. As she was very attractive, loads of guys tried
to hit on her, but were unsuccessful. She had an internal crave to speak to the
guys, but when she tried, scenes of her dark past flashed in front of her, it
was a male who had built that fear inside her and she hated it. She was good in
academics as she focused on her studies to keep her mind busy.
She
sat on the bench in the classroom and stared at the window, as her friends
discussed on the trip to Goa in December, Christmas holidays, December month
was absent in her calendar from the day she understood Santa arrives in
December, celebrations had turned punishment for her, a single mistake of
someone had become a lifelong dark and
fearful companion for her. The words of Amma rang in her mind " Diya, you
are strong, you have to capture your fear, you have to win over it, you have to
make the Santa bleed, its only you who can do it".
She
drove back home and rushed to her room, picked up the photo and stared at it,
it was her mother. Amma saw her Diya flow into her room as always. She saw
herself in Diya, she saw her past fears, pain, loneliness, frustration,
confusions, unanswered questions, disturbance, anger in her. She knew that Diya
will destroy her fear and win over it, she could guide her but not help her, it
was the rule " Each individual should help themselves, its only then that
they experience a true victory, a true sense of freedom and a true
satisfaction." Her phone rang, she answered it, it was Diya's mother
online.
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Diya's
mother spoke to Amma for 2 minutes and
disconnected the call. She relaxed in her chair still worried about Diya. It
was 12 years now, and Diya was still locked in the dark cave of evil, she was
still unable to cross the borders and step into the land of freedom, she had
the confidence in her daughter but still she had the fear as a mother. The
night of the incident appeared in front of her eyes.
She had been to her friend's house and had to
return the same day, but as it was the month of June, heavy showers splashed in
Mumbai, she had called her husband to tell him that she would return the next
day and to take care of her daughter. As she sat in her friend's (Amma) house
discussing her problems with her husband, she felt uncomfortable, she could
feel butterflies in her stomach, she was nervous, anxious, restless, she could
not speak, her heartbeat increased, she immediately called her husband but
nobody answered, she could not digest it. She got up, pulled her bag and
umbrella and walked out into the heavy showers heading towards her home, her
friend tried to give her some money to take taxi, but she rejected it and just
walked off. She struggled through the local train and auto and reached her
house, she rang the bell, nobody answered, she dug into her bag for the key and
opened the door. She rushed in calling for her daughter, could not find her,
she sensed some danger. She rushed into the kitchen and took the knife she used
for her safety from her husband, she searched the drawing hall, Diya's room and
when she stepped in her room, she heard the loud sound of the water dropping
into the bucket, she rushed towards the washroom and pushed open the door, she
froze, time stopped, she could not hear anything, she could not believe her
eyes, she lost her balance and fell back, she threw up, almost fainted,
something pulled her back to the current situation, it was her daughter's
innocent face.
She
rushed towards her husband and forced the pointed knife right into his heart,
before he could understand what was happening, his naked body collapsed into
the pool of blood. She picked her daughter and moved out of the washroom,
untied her eyes, she had fainted, she was shivering. She immediately pulled a
blanket and wrapped around her daughter's naked body and hugged her tight.
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She
was blank, everything happened in spur of a second, she sat staring at the door
of the washroom in which lie her husband's body. She was totally drenched,
sweat profusely, eyes wide open, blood stains on her sari, blood soaked hands,
she lay Diya beside her on the bed and searched for her phone, could not find
it, she ran into the kitchen and found her bag, she rushed back to her
daughter. She dialed her friend's ( Amma) number and spoke to her with lot of
difficulty. After the call she sat staring at the washroom door, a sense of
satisfaction flourished in her mind, she had killed the evil and saved her
daughter. She took a bed sheet and moved into the washroom, it was all red, she
turned her husband's body, it stared at her,
before she could cover it with the bed sheet, she pulled out the knife
from the body with all her strength, the knife with the evil blood smeared on
it.
Her
friend (Amma) ran an orphanage in Mumbai, with her contacts and support, it was
proven that the murder was an act of defense and Diya's mother came out free.
She
blamed herself for that evil night, her mind used to play all the options which
could have avoided the crime on her daughter, " she could have taken a
taxi", " She could have taken her daughter along with her to her
friend", "she could have avoided going to her friend's house" .,
it made her heart sink and she could not gather the courage to face her
daughter. She had requested her friend to take care of her and spent her life in service of the orphans.
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Darkness all around, hands and legs tied,
plastered mouth, she could hear her shouts but she could not shout, fear filled
her, she was drenched in her sweat, she could see the red costume and the white
beard of the Santa but her eyes were shut, she could feel her frock ripped
away, cold air embraced her body, her legs were spread wide, fear captured her,
but this time she could not allow herself to be captured, she struggled in the
bed and kicked the Santa with all her force standing between her legs. She was
trying to pull out her hands from the string with all her strength, it was
paining but she could not surrender. One of her hands freed, she pulled the
knife from under her pillow and slashed the throat of the Santa who was trying
to take control of her, his body collapsed on her, with his blood oozing out on
her. She freed her another hand and pushed the body away, she got up and stared
at the face of Santa, she was shocked, she opened her eyes with a loud
shout.
She
jumped out of her bed and rushed towards her Amma's room, she smashed open the
door and ran to the arms of her Amma, she hugged her tight, tears were rolling
out of her eyes, she spoke " I killed the Santa, I killed the Santa, I
killed my father". Amma smiled with happiness, tears in her eyes, at last
Diya had got over the reality. She hugged her and caressed her hair. Diya asked
" Where is my mother" , Amma got up from her bed, went to the
cupboard and pulled out a blood smeared knife, handed it over to Diya, she was
confused. Amma then told her the whole series of events that took place. She
was proud of her mother , she felt lucky that she was a daughter of such a
strong woman.
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She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and
staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag,
covered with her blue silk scarf. She felt proud and ashamed at the same time. She
raised her eyes and could recognize a familiar figure, age was easily shown on
her face, fresh black hair had turned grey, but the strength, the courage was
visible in her eyes, Diya got up and ran to her mother's arms.
